Sunday, April 4: Where Choking is an Art Form

My local TV listings magazine, StarWeek, recently restored its detailed listings in an effort to lure newspaper subscribers into paying 50 cents a week more for a better TV magazine.

With dull and deplorable listings like these, they may be in trouble...

America's Funniest Home Videos: A man pulls a prank on his girlfriend; videos from Kentucky.

Minute To Win It: A firefighter must put a lampshade on his head with a fishing rod while blindfolded.

Gene Simmons Family Jewels: Gene surprises Shannon with a little piece of Canada.

Your Kid Ate What? A 1-year-old girl gets a sticker lodged in her throat; a boy, 8, chokes on a whistle.

Look-a-Like: A kindergarten teacher is transformed into a dancing vixen.

Fawlty Towers: Hearing-impaired guest is pest.

Friends: An exchange between Ross and Rachel.

The TV Drivel Listing of the day, awarded for its awe-inspiring refusal to say nothing of interest:

Stargate Atlantis: An ancient weapon.